The Best Advice a Father Ever Gave

Your father's advice shapes who you become. Haldun Dormen's father gave him permission to chase his dream, but with one condition that changed everything.

Permission Isn't Enough

Most parents either push their children toward "safe" careers or let them do whatever they want. Haldun Dormen's father did something different.

When his son wrote from Robert College in Istanbul, confessing his passion for theatre, his father didn't forbid it. But he didn't just say "follow your heart" either. He gave permission with a standard attached.

The theatre world was uncertain. The path was unclear. But the father's response—sent from somewhere in the United States, across an ocean—cut through all the anxiety with brutal simplicity.

The Standard That Matters

"Whatever you want to do, do it. But do it in the best way you can."

This single sentence contains three distinct parts.

First, complete freedom of choice. Second, unconditional support. Third, a non-negotiable standard of excellence.

The father didn't attach conditions about money or status or safety. He attached only one condition: excellence in execution.

This works because it puts responsibility exactly where it belongs. The young person chooses the direction. The parent provides the compass—do it well or don't do it at all.

What Excellence Actually Means

Excellence isn't perfection. It's maximum effort within your current capacity.

Haldun Dormen became one of Turkey's most beloved thespians. He trained hundreds of students who adored him. He worked into his nineties. This didn't happen because he was naturally gifted (though he probably was)—it happened because he committed to doing theatre in the best way he could.

Some days that meant brilliant performances. Other days it meant showing up when he didn't feel inspired. Excellence compounds over decades. It's the showing up, again and again, with the intent to do it well.

The advice works for any field. Programming, carpentry, teaching, painting, running a business. The specific craft doesn't matter. The commitment to doing it well does.

The Gift You Give Your Children

I walked through rainy London streets with my wife yesterday when she told me this story.

It hit me hard.

My children will choose their own paths. I can't control what they love or what calls to them. But I can give them the same gift Haldun's father gave him—permission paired with a standard.

Do what you want. Do it because you love it. Do it in the best way you can.

This advice removes two toxic elements from parenting. First, it eliminates the pressure to choose a parent-approved path. Second, it eliminates the excuse to half-commit because the path is "just for fun."

If you choose something, own it fully. If you can't commit to excellence, choose something else.

That's the deal.

Why This Works Across Generations

Haldun Dormen died at 98 with a legacy that outlives him. His students carry his teachings. His performances live in memory. His commitment to excellence rippled outward.

His father never saw most of this. He gave advice from across an ocean when his son was young. But the advice was complete—it didn't need updates or modifications.

It worked in 1940s Turkey and it works in 2026 London. It'll work for my children in 2050.

The best advice transcends time because it addresses something permanent in human nature: the need for both freedom and standards. Give people permission to choose. Then demand they honor their choice with excellence.

One Sentence Changes Everything

I'm keeping this close. For myself, for my work, for my children.

Whatever you want to do, do it. But do it in the best way you can.

Everything else follows from that.